My Husband…

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and then put the cat in the backyard.
When our Uber arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we didn’t want to leave them
unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because I didn’t want the Uber driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.
A few minutes later he got into the Uber all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the car pulled away, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time.
But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard….she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.”
The silence in the Uber was deafening…..

 

Related Posts

Insider Confirms Singer Has Been Dropped From Super Bowl Halftime Consideration After Allegations Surface

In a surprising turn of events, TheDailyMail.com reported that Lizzo has been axed from the potential lineup for The Super Bowl LVIII Halftime Show. Insiders from the…

‘America’s Got Talent’ Cheerleader Emily Gold, 17, Dies by Suicide Weeks After Appearing on Show

Emily Gold, a 17-year-old cheerleader from *America’s Got Talent*, has passed away. “It is with such a heavy heart that we share the passing of our beautiful,…

‘Controversial’ Message Seen On Back Of SUV Sparks Online Debate

After a phrase written on the back of an SUV was uploaded online, it quickly gained attention. A Reddit user posted a photo of the vehicle, and…

LAWYER BELIEVES DONALD TRUMP’S CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS WERE VIOLATED

At least one lawyer believes Donald Trump’s constitutional rights have been violated. This opinion comes after the results of the Trump hush money trial jury found the…

“IS HUNTER STILL A CRACKHEAD”: JILL BIDEN HECKLED IN PUBLIC

Someone saw Jill Biden in public and was yelling questions her way. One of the questions was asking about Hunter Biden being a crackhead. Another question asked…

Breaking: Blake Shelton Confronts Beyoncé “She’s Dress-up Clown And Definitely Not Country” 👇👇👇

In a surprising turn of events, tech entrepreneur Blake Shelton and music icon Beyoncé have found themselves at odds over artistic expression and genre boundaries. The clash…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *